Wednesday, July 02, 2008

So Much To Write

My writing is still obviously sporadic at best. Its not that I am so busy now, although I do manage to find things to do to take up my time. I want to try to do a quick catch up and see where the writing leads.



I can't write anything about Honey's and my exploits lately because there really haven't been any. Physically, it seems our bodies are not cooperating with us. Just as mine starts to settle and I'm finally figuring out my limitations, my poor Honey started having some serious problems. Nothing fatal or anything like that, but painful. Our sex life has become so uneventful that I feared Honey was no longer attracted to me and that he had found someone else that he was attracted to. It caused me some serious emotional pangs that I didn't share for quite a while and when I finally did, I didn't do it well. Then Honey decided to open up the proverbial gate, which was really a good thing because he didn't realize that the times I made cracks about a girlfriend that I was serious. My libido is almost as desirous as ever, but its not needy. If anything were ever to happen to Honey that he was no longer able to "perform" that particular marital obligation in the traditional sense, I could live with that. I would miss him in that way but I have no doubt that he would allow me my sexual gratification (also known as masturbation) with his assistance. I love his big, hard cock filling my orifices and there is absolutely no replacement for it, but its the intimacy that is most important to me. If I had to choose between cuddling and fucking, I would take the cuddling. Our love is strong and grows stronger all the time. And there is the spanking. I still crave it. I still want it but I am really confused about it. The short and sweet background of my confusion is that I was married to an abusive man the first time I was married. He didn't spank, he punched. We never even discussed spanking...not as kink, a foreplay, a form of entertainment or a lifestyle...not as anything at all. He was just downright mean. The fact is, before I was finally able to make my permanent break from him, pretty much the last year that I was with my first husband, I was resigned to and convinced that he was going to kill me. Not necessarily intentionally, but I truly believed that he was going to get drunk and beat me to death and then be very remorseful. It was Honey's friendship that helped me be strong enough to walk away from that abusive situation. Honey has a problem with spanking me sometimes because there isn't an abusive bone in his body. When he really lets himself go and whacks on my ass pretty good, then I start wondering how someone who is supposed to love me can do that to me...even though its what I want. Of course, being the spankee, he also has some trouble from time to time grappling with that issue. If I don't think about it and just allow myself to indulge, I like it. I want more...a LOT more. Unfortunately, I have a hard time shutting my brain down sometimes. It isn't just in spanking either. Its sex in general. If I think about what I look like, my age, or any of a thousand other things, I can't enjoy any kind of sex. I have to close my eyes and just let myself feel. Its stupid I know. It will kill an orgasm if my thoughts drift to me. I will most likely NEVER be involved in a 3 way, 2 males and me, because of that. Its hard enough to shut the intrusions in my brain with Honey, who I am as comfortable with as I am with myself, much less a third party. And then there is the jealousy issue. Neither Honey nor I believe that a third party in our bedroom can enhance any part of our lives together. Honey is extraordinarily understanding and patient with me. I think I am with him too when his issues pop up to bug him. He is the most important part of my life. Nothing is complete until I can share it with him. He is my best friend, my best lover, and psychologist, my musical partner...I don't love any one thing about him, I love the whole package. Sex and games are great but if I had to choose between having a platonic relationship with Honey or having him as a fuck buddy with no relationship, I would take the platonic anyday, hands down. When I try to explain just how much I love him, I find the words to describe exactly what I feel have yet to be formed. Words, phrases, syllables are all inadequate. Picture this: My heart is latex balloon. My love is the helium that fills that balloon. When I think it has reached its maximum capacity, I find there is always more expand that balloon without ever popping it.

Okay...off to other things. I have been visiting, searching, seeking and finding sex-related, and kink-related sites on the web. I want to share with you a few of my personal favorites.

1. Anal Amy.com. This is a blog being written by a very young slut who has a thing for....you guessed it...anal sex. She is quite the little nympho (slut is a word she often uses in reference to herself). She gets laid a lot, in a lot of different ways, by a lot of different people. I got so turned on by her reading her detailed descriptions of a few of her sexual encounters that I have decided to start from the beginning. This particular blog of hers appears to have been created in May of 2006. I am only up the middle of June of 06 and I think she has already had more sex partners than I have had in my entire life. Non-manogamy is so scary these days that although I LOVE reading of her encounters, I am really glad that I am 20 again. As a standing rule, I am always glad that I'm not 20 again. That decade was not one of my favorites. I was already having kids by the time I was Amy's age and sex was very confusing to me. I didn't like the fact that I didn't know what the "rules" were about having sex. In high school, its easy. You don't do it. I realize most people do but the "rule" is that if you are female, you don't do it...at least they were like that when I was in high school. Then comes marriage and the vows of manogamy. But the inbetween times...I found it difficult to negotiate all that. Amy doesn't seem to be having any problems. At her age, I was wondering things like: Do I have sex on the first date? How far is "okay" and for how long? I have never been particularly interested in others opinions about all that. I pretty decided that if I was attracted to a man, and he was attracted to me and we both wanted to have sex, then we would. I had quite a few one night stands, a few illicit affairs but for the most part, I was chaste compared to most of the people I know. Luckily for me, I have had Honey to work out all the things I missed out on. Amy now...I can live vicariously pretty damned well through her writings. I urge you to drop by her blog and spend a little time browsing. I would love to hear back from anybody that does stop by there and let me know what you think. She isn't a spanko, but honestly, I think she just hasn't discovered that fetish yet. Her anal exploits always leave me wet and seeking out Honey's cock. This is a girl after my heart. She loves anal sex at least as much as I do...and she's a pain slut even though she doesn't really appear to know it yet. She takes lots of hard cock up her ass and quite often without lube of any kind. Tell me that isn't a pain slut. Tell me that isn't a girl who wouldn't enjoy a bare bottomed ride across some strong young sadists lap. And she has just a touch of bisexual in her so I think she could bottom for both boys and girls. Here's Amy's webdress: http://www.anal-amy.com

I have so much more that I want to blog about and have been such a terrible procrastinator that I can really only do this one recommendation and review for now. I have to go to bed because I have to be up in about 3 hours and will probably be up the rest of day...but that is a whole blog unto itself. I'm not going to wait so long to post again. If I have the time 2 or 3 times a day to blog, I'm going to start making a point of actually doing it. Its part of what has kept me from blogging. I think I have to put everything down in one entry and when I don't get it done, I put it off and put it off...I make no promises when I will post again but I'm hoping soon because I have some tasty stuff to share.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Spanking OTK said...

Hello I have added your blog to mine. I hope you add mine to your links.

Greetings and thanks for the visit

6:26 AM  
Blogger Bonnie said...

Hi Fox!

It's wonderful to hear from you, even if times are not the best. I completely understand the love and dedication you feel. Hopefully, you will never have to choose between love and sex. May you enjoy plenty of both, and a few good spankings mixed in for spice.

I missed reading your blog and I just put your link back.

Please stop by anytime!

Hugs,
Bonnie

7:13 PM  

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