Thursday, December 13, 2007

Feeling the Love

Its really surprising to me sometimes how even a single comment can renew the urge to continue with this blog...or any other writing. Thank you for those comments. Even if I don't respond, its not because of a lack of appreciation. I live for those little comments. Its because I am terrible correspondent...and I can prove it.

I am probably one of those perpetual students. I went so long after high school without really going to school but I really don't think I have ever gone more than a couple of years without going to SOME kind of classes. I love the learning process but I am not such a great student.

When I was in high school, I earned money on the side (I have been working at least a part-time job since I was 10 years old. I had one bout of unemployment for 5 months about 17 or 18 years ago and then there is now) by doing other people's homework but it took all but an Act of Congress to get me to do my own homework. I have always done well on tests...with a few exceptions. I had a college algebra course that I froze up on the final. Fortunately, I had a great teacher that year and she saw my frustration, picked up my test when I turned it in, chased me down the hall, talked to me about "test anxiety," which I had never before experienced but I have, I think, phobias about testable math. For reasons I won't go into because you really wouldn't be interested, I didn't have "pre-algebra" in middle school before having High School Algebra. I survived high school but I never understood it. I could do it but it wasn't until this great teacher named Mrs. Beaver (no, I'm not making it up) in college that I understood it. Anyway, this same teacher chased me down the hall, told me "You know this stuff," explained test anxiety, told me to go wash my face, take a few deep breaths, take a walk to clear my head and come back and try again. I took her advise and when I sat back down to do the test, she was all came flooding back and I was able to finish the test. I still feel test anxiety from time to time. It sucks. Its like slamming slamming a cell door on the brain. One second I know everything and the next, I can barely remember my name. I can usually close my eyes and talk myself out of it now, but not always. I still hate homework. I think if you can pass the tests, why should the homework count...and if you have problems with the tests, the homework should count more because you ARE actually showing the ability to do the work, just not necessarily without notes. I don't know about anybody else, but I haven't seen a career field yet that didn't allow the use of crib sheets, notes, whatever you need to get the job done. You can have the information in your computer, in notebooks, on index cards...whatever you need, so why can't schools, including colleges, personalize the experience, really grade on the ability to perform the work necessary. I know the schools, public and private are overwhelmed, but a scan of gradebooks and just a LITTLE one on one attention can provide so much more insight. So...maybe I should be a teacher? I have given thought to that idea. And I may...did you guess that I'm about to go to school...again?

The problem is the loss of interest. I have trouble with my attention span. Always have. I learn fast, usually, so sticking with the pace of a class has always been problematic. I like challenges so the classes that I do have trouble with keep my attention. The others...well, lets just say my GPA should be high but it isn't. Its average. Maybe even a little lower than average. It seems that I have genetically transferred this to my children. Only one is actually a little slow, learning disabled, but he has more common sense than any of my other kids and he is EXTREMELY responsible...scarily so, in fact. The others just get bored and have trouble with follow through. I do have a college degree, but I haven't lost the urge to learn so I plan to work on a Master's degree along with another Bachelors. I don't have work to slow me down now so maybe I will actually do well...I did well the four years it took me to get my Bachelors (right around a 3.6 average) but because of classes I had taken when I was younger, my overall GPA is, I think, a 2.6. Its okay, though. I still got my degree and I know and understand everything about my degree field. I think that is more than a lot of people who have degrees can say.

So what does all that have to do with a spanking blog? Absolutely nothing. Unless I/we decide to incorporate spanking in to my academics. Honestly, I have considered it but I don't think it would work. That would be me trying to force someone else to force me to do something that I already know I have to do. The rebel in me thinks it could be counterproductive and just make me resentful. Besides, I am far more interested in actually learning than I am in grades. I have too many things I want to know, from electricity to teaching to medicine to law. I actually talked myself out of law school though because I don't want to have that much debt late in life. Medicine is great but let's face it, those folks put way more hours into a work week than I want to spend and the work is HARD...and I really don't think I am compassionate enough for medicine. And I know I don't want to get into the psychology of the whole spanking thing. I like it. If I know why, I might not like it anymore. I think being sexually satisfied could go a LONG way toward making school easier. And being sexually satisfied at this stage of my life often includes a little pain play.

As I write this, Honey and I are awaiting a few new toys. I'll probably hate myself when they get here, as I usually do. We have a loopy rattan cane and a couple of other canes that Honey picked out. Of course, I sent him the link for him to find the ones he wanted...silly me. I'm sure there will be at least one or two picture posts when they get here. I'm looking foward to them that masochistic sort of dreading way. I can't wait...but I can...but I can't.

Okay, really this was just going to be few lines to try to get back in the swing of things but the one thing I have never been excused of is being at a loss for words.

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