Obsessions

I don't guess there is any way at all to deny that I am 100 percent obsessed with being spanked. I LIKE my bruises. I'm even thinking of finding one of the best bruised ass pictures (or maybe 2) and making them part of the title. When the Late, Great Homemade paddle broke, My Honey spanked me with Bruiser, my prior greatest nemesis (oh, wait, there is no prior to that), and I got my brusies...well, no REAL bruises, just a little marking across the bottom part of my bottom.....I was SO disappointed. This provoked the "Oh My God, have I lost my mind??????" moment for me. Could be...Quite possibly, in fact. As I sit on a thoroughly painful ass from 2 days ago, I think its quite likely I have lost my mind, but the truth is, I don't care. I LIKE it! If insanity means liking it this much, getting those tingly feelings in my female parts when I think about it, getting wet when I look at the pictures, then insanity is where I want to stay.

Yes, these are some of the most recent pictures we have taken. I think Honey is liking taking the pictures. He likes to make sure the light is just right so the bruises he so lovingly placed on my ass show to the best advantage while making my butt cheeks look the way HE likes them to look, as he says, the way he sees my ass when I am bent over in front of him as opposed to the ass I see in the mirror when I look in the mirror. I think he does a really good job. I am obsessed with having my bottom spanked, I am obsessed with seeing how long and how hard I can take a spanking, I am obsessed with finding out how far My Love will go because of his own turn-ons, I am obsessed with how bruised my bottom can get, I am obsessed with how RED my bottom can get after a spanking, I am obsessed with the idea of getting a spanking that "wears my ass out until I can't sit down comfortably for a week." I wonder off and on how long this obsession willl last. I'm not "worried" about it, just curious if I won't get tired of the pain involved. Then I think back on how obsessed I was with anal sex when I first starting getting curious about it, when I first tried it, the first time I REALLY enjoyed it. That was 19 years ago...I'm still obsessed. My husband had not experienced anal sex when we first started making love and I know its not for everybody. I think he thought he was one of them back then. He didn't enjoy blowjobs either. He just "tolerated" them. He said yeah, they felt good and all but it wasn't like he could come that way. I LOVE cock. I was a late bloomer sexually and I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. When I finally discovered it, and I actually started enjoying it, I found one of my greatest joys was actually sucking cock. I say it in that particular way because it is the way that most turns on My Love and I am all about making him happy, as, I am so fortunate to say, he is me. I think it was maybe the second or third time I blew my husband that he actually came from being made love to with my mouth. He was in awe. I was in awe that he had never come that way before. I won't say it was easy. He was resistant. Does this story sound kind of backwards? It made it pretty special for me...to guide my man into sexual realms he hadn't experienced before. He thought the first time was just a build up of sexual tension, but fifteen years later, I can still make him come by making love to him with my mouth...and he still enjoys it. Oh, we have changed some of the methods but those too have often been initiated my me. I found a few videos of "forced blowjobs", girls being held by the head and having their faces fucked, really fucked. I can live without the gagging, especially when I'm the one gagging, but I love the feeling of having my man take control of the blowjob, take total control of the total sexual experience. Because of some of the medications we have to take as we get older, orgasm can sometimes be evasive. And sometimes I just want to service him, especially when his time short, when he's stressed out, when he least expects it. I will ask him to masturbate with my mouth. I can see it in his eyes when I say it. Something happens there. I swear his already erect penis gets even more erect. Anal sex was much like that. I was still mostly iffy about doing it when we first started. I had done it a couple of times. I had even enjoyed it a couple of times but I had been married to man who's sex drive was nowhere near mine (he was a drunk...he was more interested in making love to a bottle than any kind of sexual experimentation) and for him, anal sex was something he did TO me when he was angry with me and wanted to make me feel cheap or really bad about myself...and he was pretty effective. When my husband NOW and I started to seeing each other, started becoming sexual, I WANTED to have him fuck me in the ass but I was afraid to tell him. I found ways but I was afraid he wasn't interested. He hadn't done it before. Because of the few times that I had and had enjoyed it, once I was single I was very interested in finding a man who would be gentle but willing (my first anal experience had been with my very first lover who had NO CLUE how to go that route and make it an enjoyable experience for the woman...or maybe he didn't care...but I'm sure he just didn't know) to indulge me. The first time My Love came to me and told me "I want to fuck you in the ass" I almost passed out. My knees got weak. I know I got wet on the spot. We got naked. He got behind me. I felt his manhood meet up with my tiny orifice...and pretty much had a panic attack. He was much bigger than most of the men I had been with (not that there had been that many) and was King Kong compared to my ex-husband. I chickened out. After hoping and fantasizing for so long, when it came to the moment of truth, I was terrified. We "worked on it" for a couple of months after that. We slowly built up that area by starting small and easing me into being able to relax "back there." My Love was so patient...and he wasn't absolutely sure he wanted to do it but he thought he did. He used much lubrication, even the first time he put one of his big manly fingers into me. When we realized that my orgasms were increased by anal stimulation, we knew it was just a matter of time. When the final moment came where we thought I could take him, I was prepared for it to hurt. He was just so big! He lubricated me. He lubricated himself. He eased my anal passage into being ready for him with first one finger, then another. We propped me up on pillows so my ass was in the air, waiting for him, totally exposed, bared for his pleasure and I was able to totally relax to allow his entry. As I felt the head of his cock make contact with my near virgin hole, I was scared, I was anxious, and I was ready. He was so gentle. He eased the head of his cock into my anal passage and stopped, allowing my ass muscles to relax around him...and for me to regain breath. It hurt, but I wanted him to go on. On his side, having never had his cock inside an asshole before and the tip of a man's cock being so sensitive, I remember hearing from behind me "Oh My God!!!!!!!!!" When I felt I could accomodate him, I told him "more." He slowly eased the rest of his gloriously long cock into my ass until his pelvis was resting against the globes of my ass. It hurt. It sent chills up and down my spine. My skin broke out in goose bumps. There were words eminating from My Love that I had never used in quite that way before. Once he was all the way in, I thought the hard part was over. WRONG. As he drew back, leaving only the tip of his cock in my ass. It ripped the breath right out of me. My Loving Man had me by my hips and had rocketed into that world of sexual ecstacy already. He was uttering words and noises that he wasn't even aware of. I rubbed my clit and breathed and kept my eyes shut tight. As he pushed his way back in as far as he could go, the real joy of assfucking started to present itself to me. The first time was not a marathon lovemaking session, not once we introduced the newest part of our lovemaking. Both of us came in record time. But it did introduce a new aspect to our lovemaking that remains special to us to this day. And now we have discovered spanking. I think it must be the ass connection. Maybe its the pain connection but I think its more closely related to the ass connection. I LOVE to have my ass played with...in ALL ways.

When My Love is spanking my ass, whether he's spanking me hard or just giving me little love taps (surprisingly, not my favorite sensation when I'm in this mode), I know he is sharing with me his fantasies and helping me to live out mine. I can honestly say I don't think he would have initiated this on his own, but the first time he heard the yelps and cries of a hard spanking coming from my computer, he was naturally curious. When I showed him what it was I was looking at, I saw that sparkle of interest in his eyes. After he stood up from watching a particularly severe spanking, a caning if I remember correctly, he showed me what an erection he had. If women had visible erections, mine would have matched his. This is another picture of my ass after our hotel stay. Its a day or two later...two if I remember right. It seems its the second day that bruises are most visible and most frightening. There was only one really hard swat that night, the swat he warned me was going to be like a punishment spanking. I lasted exactly one swat. When he made contact with my ass, it was immediately on fire. Goosebumps erupted all over my skin (generally a sign of arousal but also a sign of pain or shock). I told him okay, thats enough...I don't think I can do that...

and then the fantasies kick in again. Damn those fantasies. My ass is going to end up completely broken if I'm not careful. I find myself fantasizing again about My Sweet Love holding me down and beating my ass beyond my own protests...way beyond. Sometimes I fantasize that he uses Bruiser. In my fantasy, I am on all fours in the middle of our bed. My Love is kneeling next to me. He wraps his arm around my waist and holds me securely. I feel like my ass is on display. He rubs each cheek with his free hand. He gentles kisses each side. He whispers back to me "I love you so much"...and I know what I am in for.

He picks up a paddle. From the way I am positioned, I can't tell what he picks up. He has taken several of my favorites and most feared and layed them nearby so he could choose from them at will. He picks up first the hairbrush. "This is just a warm up" he tells me and he proceeds to brighten my bottom with what feels like a thousand not hard, but not soft smacks from the back of the brush. The pain becomes intense but not unbearable. When he stops, he admires his work, rubbing the sting out of my bottom, feeling the warmth..and still he holds to me. As he prepares to move on, he repositions himself, he gets a firmer hold on me around my waist. This time there are no words. I feel the new ping pong paddle being rubbed back and forth, from one cheek to the other. It moves away and I brace myself mentally. Just a tease...he goes back to rubbing it across my bottom. I feel it pull away again. I think I hear it before I actually feel it. He proceeds to whack my ass five times on each side, hard and fast. I hate when he does that. Once again, my butt is on fire, but this time there is real pain involved. Toward the end I couldn't help but cry out. I don't cry but I do have trouble breathing. Once again he rubs the sting out of my bottom with his hand. It feels so good. Every so often he throws in a couple of hand swats but even when I know he is smacking hard, I can't feel the pain, only the comfort. He loosens his grip on my waist. I think to myself, oh good, now we move on to the loving. He kisses my very hot, very red butt and then takes me by the hand. Uh oh. "Come with me" he says as pulls me from the bed. There are all kinds of possibilities involved in being removed from the bed. I go, without question. He takes me to the trunk at the end of the bed. "Put your hands here" he says, as he puts one of my hands on the edge of the trunk. I do as he says. Then he repositions my legs, my back...I find myself in a slightly bent over spanking position with my feet spread just far enough apart to maintain balance...no matter what...not a good omen. Once again, he grabs me around the waist. "This is as much for you as it is for me baby" he says to me. He pats my bottom with the implement of his choice. Its Bruiser. He's never held me like this before when he used Bruiser...the angle and the size of Bruiser makes it difficult...he doesn't rub, he doesn't warn. He pats my ass just a couple of times so I know what he holds and then he starts in. The first whack makes me try to stand up, but he has hold of me. While I struggle, he whacks my bottom again. This time I put serious effort into standing up. "No honey" I plead. "Its too hard!" "Stand still" he tells me, and holds me tighter. WHACK! "NO NO NO NO NO" is all I can say, but he has me tight, making sure I can't go anywhere. I fight. I struggle. I plead...all to no avail. He keeps hitting me with that damned board harder than he has ever hit me before, harder than I ever thought he would. Ten times. Its only ten but its more painful than anything I have ever known. I don't know whether to be mad, happy, thankful that he only wanted to go ten, or what. He puts the paddle down and he hugs me.

He presses his body into mine. It hurts. I hurt. He kisses my neck, my back. He rubs my bottom. Everything about it hurts...but wait...is that a familiar tingle of arousal I'm feeling? He whispers sweet nothings in my ear, telling me what a good girl I was for taking those hard swats, how tough I am for taking such a hard spanking...and I can feel how happy he is pressing up against my butt. Oh yes, very happy.

This is the fantasy. I like to keep the fantasy of the more severe spankings in the fantasy world. Lets face it, they hurt. But silly me...I told my husband about this pretty erotic fantasy this past weekend. It never occurred to me we might actually end up DOING the fantasy. I like to THINK about severe spanking. I might like to do SOME severe spanking but I sure hadn't planned on it this weekend...and especially after we had been spanking on my ass for well over an hour (or was it two) by then. Somehow, someway, I found myself at the end of the bed, bent over the trunk (not holding it) and with Bruiser in my Loving Man's Hand. He didn't hold me by the waist. I gave in to it. Ten of the hardest swats I have ever experienced in my life by Bruiser. What you see in the above picture is just a few hours after the fact. I thought I might die. I never knew my ass could hurt so much. Did it turn on my Loving Man? Oh yes it did. He really did whisper all those sweet little things in my ear.

I did find once the blood went from my face to my pelvis that I was unbelievably turned on. Having My Love's pelvis rub against my painful ass is truly one of the most erotic feelings in the world. Do I want to have my ass spanked that hard again? NO! Yeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssss....maybe? I don't know. It hurt. It hurt so much. Oh yes, My Love does not believe in spanking over clothes. He thinks it defeats the purpose. I love when he pulls my panties down for a spanking. But like we did the other night? I'm still waiting for the rest of the bruising to occur. It has been just about 36 hours now. I can almost sit without pain. Almost. There is this rather attractive greenish blue splotch starting that I am curious about ...is it going to turn into a real bruise or will it go away...only time will tell. To be honest, these pictures do not do justice to just exactly how my ass looks today. It almost looks like brush strokes on my left side...or maybe a rash...or maybe a combination of the two. The right side, the side that always bruises...well, its looking bruised.

But you know what? I think I might need a little table tennis tonight.... :)