Thought for the day

The feel of his cock. I lay there, waiting for him to do something. Anything. My breathing is shallow. His hands have been roaming all over my tits, my waist, my asscheeks. I want his cock inside me. I don't care where. Anywhere. Everywhere. I feel the warmth, the heat generating from his cock. He squeezes my tits. I get goosebumps. His fingers brush my clit. I groan. The need builds. My hand goes between my legs. His hands grab my ass again and pull my asscheeks apart. I want to tell him to fuck him. I want to tell him to shove his cock up my ass NOW. I want to plead with him, but I can't. The words won't come out. I feel his cock head against my asshole. The tight little hole spasms with a life of its own. I want it. He presses until he feels the taut hole start to give, start to open up. I moan. It hurts but it feels so good. I rub my clit faster. He eases the pressure off. I wiggle my ass at him, a wordless seduction telling him to come back. I feel the head of his cock again pressing against my asshole. I wait, breathlessly, to see what he will do. I try to open myself up to him more. Just the feel of his cock against that wanton part of my body increases my arousal. I want him to take me. I want him to hurt me. I want him to possess me in the way that only assfucking can do. I want him to grab my hips and plunge himself to the hilt inside of me. I want him to forcefully take me, whether I fight him or beg him or plead with him to stop, I want him to fuck me. I want him to fuck me like the little slut I am for him. I want him to fuck my ass hard. I want his cock pounding my asshole in ways that cause me to make noises that I don't realize are eminating from me right away. I want to be impaled on his cock, feeling his cock deeper inside me than it has ever gone before.

But he doesn't do that. He doesn't impale me. He doesn't take me. He doesn't plunge his cock into me. I feel him stroking his cock. The head of his cock is still pressing against my asshole, but he is jacking off. I can tell by the response from my body, by his animal sounds and by the speed of his strokes that he is near to orgasm. It turns me on even more. He has me placed so that I can not touch him. He is behind me. I can not see him. I can only feel him, his cock, the rocking of the bed. I can hear him. I can hear his labored breathing as his orgasm nears. I want him to stop before he comes. I want him to thrust his hard, swollen cock into me. I want to feel his cum inside me. I want our bodies to become one. He pushes his cock into my asshole just the tiniest bit as he gets closer. It stretches my unlubricated ass. He continues to stroke. I try to push back against him, to take him in deeper but I can't. I feel my own orgasm nearing. As his pace increases, so does mine. I want him to fuck me but I've passed the "fuck me" frame of mind. Now I just need the orgasm. I can tell he is in the same place. The moaning and groaning from both of us continues to get louder and louder, more and more pressing. His cock, still having barely entered my ass swells. He reaches the peak and I can feel his come spurting into me. My orgasm is right behind his. My asshole squeezes his cumming cock head, pulsating with my own orgasm, in rhythm to the jets of cum being shot into my ass. I am left breathless. So is he. Slowly, he withdraws his cockhead from my assring. The moment is over for now. My anal cravings are satisfied for now. Barely, but an orgasm brought on by a cock anywhere takes the edge off. If I'm lucky, that won't be the last of it. If I'm really lucky, when I wake up in the morning my body will have that "I've just spent the night fucking hard" feeling all over my body.

My idea of the perfect "spent the night fucking hard" feeling? I wake up relaxed, peaceful. As I start out of bed, I realize the muscles in my legs and arms are sore, like I have been lifting weights. As I move into a sitting position, I am caught off guard by the pain in my ass...and my pussy. Everything hurts, everything is sore. My pussy is sore and it kind of burns when I pee. My asshole is hypersensitive and it causes me a fair amount of anxiety everytime I go to the bathroom. My asscheeks ache when I sit. I look in the mirror and find bruises already set in. I dont have to see the bruises though. I can feel them with every move I make. I try to walk but the soreness in my legs and pussy make me have to concentrate in order to not walk like I just spent the night being fucked hard. When nobody is watching, I don't bother with the pretext. I walk bowlegged with the occasional groan of pain. I sit on pillows. I get up only when I have to. I love that feeling. I love that "been rode good and hard" feeling the next day. And all day, everyday until the pain eases up, I can be found with a mischievious little grin on my face at all times.

Its About Time

So....just how long has it been since I posted? Way too long, I know that much. Life is just generally reluctant to allow me to do some of the things I really enjoy. That would not be blog posting. It would be the things that I post blogs about. Oh, I can't really complain. Life has been good. Just not quite as sexual or playful as I like it.

Since I have this time, let me share with you some of the things that I have been doing and thinking...things that readers of this blog might be interested.

To Hubby, the Love of my Life:

I still love you more than life itself. You are now and have always been the very air that I breathe. I find myself in a near constant state of arousal. No one has ever given me so much pleasure in bed...and out. I am for here for your use.

My mouth is yours to use like a pussy, if that is what you so desire. You are welcome to fuck my face as deep and as hard as you like. I have never completely understood it and don't intend to waste time pondering it but I love when my head is in your hands, or up against a headboard, or trapped on the bed and you fuck my face hard and deep. I love the feeling of your cock as it slides down my throat. If I'm not concentrating on keeping my mouth open, your cock goes deep enough in my throat to make me gag. I konw you like to see me gag. I just like having your pelvis bump up against my lips, your pace getting faster and faster. I reach up and grab your mipples and listen to you gasp. Your cock drives deeper every time I squeeze. So many times I have wanted you to fuck me, but I get so turned on that I need you to finish in my mouth. I do often control your orgasm when I suck your cock. Just so you know, it is my pure enjoyment of your cock in my mouth that pushes me to push you. When you come down my throat, it is like receiving a life enhancing elixer.

My pussy is yours anytime and pretty much anywhere. It is always open and willing to accept you. It loves your tongue and lips almost as much as it loves your cock...but there is never a replacement for your cock. When you push my legs back so my knees almost touch my shoulders, I want to engulf all of you. I love when we make love, I love when you fuck me hard, I love quickies and I love those 3 hour lovemaking sessions. I love having you between my legs, becoming one with me, becoming just a single body, a single mind, a single emotion. When you take my pussy, it feels like coming home...and we both know how much I love home.

My ass...my ass is needy. I want you to spank my ass hard, really hard, but I don't want you to as much as I do. The pain side of it will always make me say no. The really needy part of me wants you to do it anyway. I want you to spank me with your hand on my bare bottom until my bottom until it glows crimson red. I want you to spank my ass so hard that I feel it for at least 3 days after. I want you to spank me until I can no longer fight you. You are such a loving husband, you quit when I say quit. I fear that if you didn't, if you actually did to me what I want you to do, that I might not ever trust you again. I think I can honestly tell you when to push my protests...although obviously it would have to be before we started. I have such wonderful, harrowing spanking fantasies. I fantasize that we are alone,. You have a belt, our paddle with holes and the thin solid wood paddle. They lie on the bed, within your reach. I come to you wearing a somewhat loose fitting skirt and halter. As I approach, I see you also have a bandana, a ballgag, and various paraphenalia that you can tie me up with. You assure me that you will only spank me as much as I want. The gag is in case I want more but make too much noise. And this is a very real possibility. You motion for me to come to you as you sit on the edge of the bed. You pull me between your legs and rest your head on my stomach as your strong arms wrap around me. You hold me for a few seconds before you begin coaxing me across your lap. It doesn't take a lot of coaxing. Across your lap I go. You pull my skirt up so it bunches around my waist. You lovingly rub and squeeze my panty-clad bottom. You start by just gently spanking my butt cheeks and my thighs. Love taps at best. My need for something more begins to grow. You must feel it too, because you ramp up the efforts. Still with just your hand, you deliver at least a dozen hard smacks to my bottom, and then you massage my ass cheeks again. You ask me if I'm okay. I tell you yes. You can tell I am tense. You lull me into relaxation before you go on. When you finally feel I am ready, you take up a paddle. I don't know which one. This time there is no warning. You lay the paddle to my ass hard over and over. I don't have time to register anything but shock, surprise and pain. My body jerks. It responds reflexively, trying to escape the pain.,

Well, nothing kills a writing mood, especially one of the sexy type, like a freaking phone call. This is just one of the many, but similar reasons that I haven't had a lot to talk about in so long. Poor Honey and I can never find any time alone...EVER. Its very annoying, very frustrating and just plain pisses me off. Maybe I will be able to pick this back up again soon.

What do you think?

Can anybody tell me how they manage to not wiggle and struggle and fight when they are getting spanked? I don't totally understand it myself. Its something I want. Its something I enjoy...after....but the during....poor Honey has his hands full. I want him to really whack away on my ass some days...but that doesn't mean that I can just sit there and take it. Its instinct, you know? Oh, some days I can most definitely just take it...and even ask for more...and harder. Needless to say, Honey is really fond of those days but most of the time I can't. I watch spanking videos all the time. I am in awe. Oh sure, there are a few that wiggle around like I do but most just let them beat their asses and at most squeal or whine. When I'm in "that" frame of mind, I don't much squeal, whine or wiggle...Honey really likes that...not that he minds when I fight back so much, its just much nicer for both of us when I don't.

He has gotten pretty good at being able to tell how hard he can spank too. Its not something I care to remind him of very often, but usually if he starts out hard, like harder than I like and will probably say mean things to him over, he can spank longer and harder overall. I LOVE the bruises. We actually had some spanking games recently that left a pretty respectable bruise for over a week! There were a couple of bruises but only one that was really good.

And does anybody else have those "phases"? You know, sometimes you want to be whipped with the belt, sometimes the paddle, sometimes the cane, etc? I almost always prefer a wooden paddle, and we have several different kinds. Some are big, some are small, some are thick, some are thin...It has surprised me more than I can say how much those thin paddles can hurt. Its not hurt really...more like sting. They sting like the dickens.

When its at its best, Honey gets into this spanking/teasing rhythm that is just mind-boggling. I get to the point that I just become a ball of sensation and just want to be fucked...and beaten...and fucked...and beaten...and I can't tell which I enjoy more. Spanking and ass-fucking have always just seemed like natural companions.

Here is my perfect sex night.

It starts out with mild spanking...maybe a playful handspanking or even an implement. Honey has me lay over his lap. He raises my skirt and pulls down my panties. He rubs my ass first, getting me nice and relaxed and then he begins. He spanks my bare bottom until it is a nice rosy pink color. It is just starting to radiate heat. He drops me between his legs where I kneel as he takes his pants off. He gathers my hair at the back of my head and pulls me toward him. He is semi-hard. He tells me he is going to use my mouth to masturbate. I open my mouth to receive him. He guides my face onto his cock, and forces my head back and forth as his cock grows in my mouth. With each inward stroke I can feel his cock going further down my throat, filling more of my mouth. He tell me to just keep my mouth open and he holds my head still. His cock has reached its full length and width and he wants to fuck my throat. He pistons his hips back and forth in my mouth, reaching further and further with the head of his cock down my throat. I am lucky enough (or maybe its Honey thats the lucky one) to not have much of a gag reflex so he can shove his entire cock down my throat. Most of the time I don't gag. But sometimes....on this particular day, when I gag, Honey takes it as a sign to pull me up, push my down over his lap again and wail on my ass. He takes me by surprise the first time. He holds me down across his lap while he takes a belt to my ass. The swats are hard and fast. I hardly have time to react at all, for the realization of what has happened to sink in before I find myself back on the floor between his legs, my mouth being forced onto his cock again, doing exactly what he he said he was going to do...masturbating with my mouth. He jerks my head back and forth, pushing his cock again all the way into my mouth, into my throat. When he gets all of his cock wedged deep, he holds my head down, not letting me off his cock to breathe, pumping his hips trying to get just a little more in my mouth. When he lets my head up, I gasp for air but before I know it, his cock is wedging its way down my throat again. I gag and try to pull away. This is what he wants, of course. I find myself thrown over his lap again and this time he pelts my ass with a ping-pong paddle. He gets a good dozen swats off before the sting sets in my brain and I whine..no words, just a sound. This gets him going even more and he pounds my ass as hard as he can at least two dozen more times without stopping. My ass feels like its going explode. I struggle to get away but he has me trapped. The sting is so sharp I have trouble breathing. All I can do is gasp. He shoves me off his lap again and this time stands up. He takes my head in his hands again and fucks my face hard. I'm afraid my teeth are going to cut my lips but he doesn't care. I can feel him getting close to cumming. I can taste it. He is varying his speed now. As he gets close, he slows down. When he has his orgasm at bay, he fucks my face hard. When he's ready to spank me more, he shoves his cock down my throat as deep as he can over and over until I gag. He jerks me back off the floor and over his lap again. As he rains blows down on my ass with a hairbrush, he tells me its time to move on...not from the spanking...we still have lots of spanking to do...he beats my ass with the hairbrush until I am begging him to stop. My ass has become a crimson red and is radiating much heat. When he tires of the hairbrush, he gets up and bends me over the side of the bed. He rips off ten hard swats from the holy paddle before I can mutter a gutteral groan of pain. "Do you want me to stop?" he asks me. I know what answer he wants from me. "No." He resumes spanking my ass with the holy paddle. He spanks hard and fast. Another gutteral groan escapes me. He throws the paddle on the bed next to me and leans up against me, his thighs pressed against my thighs, his hard cock pushing up against me and in between my legs, his chest on my back. He reaches around and grasps both of my breasts and squeezes, massages, pinches. He whispers in my ear "I'm going to fuck you soon. I'm going to fuck you and I'm going to fuck you hard." My breathing is ragged with pain and arousal. "I may fuck your pussy but I promise you I'm going to fuck you up the ass. My cock is going to be buried so deep in your ass you're going to know I was there for days. If your lucky, I MAY lube your ass first, but that's a big maybe. Right now, I'm thinking you just need to take me any way I want." One hand roughs up my breast and the other hand moves between my legs. "Im not done spanking you yet. You need a really good ass-beating." I can't say a word. I'm terrified and turned on. "I can tie you up for the spanking or you can be a good girl and take it what I have to give you. Which is it going to be?" "Please don't tie my hands down," I plead with him. "Alright, we'll give it a try, but if you don't stay still, I'll be forced to restrain you." With that, he takes the hand that was between my legs and toys with my ass. "Oh baby, your ass is so hot. You have no idea how much that turns me on." He squeezes my asscheek, causing renewed pain to my already sensitive skin. He takes the hand from my breast and massages both asscheeks roughly. He separates my asscheeks and probes the tight hole he intends to take. It feels dry but I tingle all over as he pushes the tip of a finger inside. "Oh yeah, your ass is just crying for my cock..." No words come out of me. He prods a little further. "You just love getting your ass beat, don't you Baby." He shoves a finger all the way in my ass. I gasp. He doesn't spend a long time there, but he pumps his finger in and out a few times. He chuckles to himself. He removes his finger, places his hand on my back. I feel a coolness on my flaming asscheeks. The real spanking begins. With his hand on my lower back to make sure I don't move, my ass gets beaten with the lexan paddle, a thin wooden paddle, the holy paddle and Bruiser. I find myself lost in subspace, wanting more and more. Honey lays a cool 100 hard swats on my ass before he stops. Then he hovers over me again. His erection teases me. His hands go straight to my breasts and he whispers in my ear. "You like that, don't you Baby. " I still can't talk. "You ready for me to fuck you?" He slides his cock back and forth against my pussy. "MMMmmmm hmmmmmmm" is the best I can muster. "My cock is so hard. Can you feel it??" Your cock pokes at my ass. Once again, I can't say anything. I am afraid that you will take my ass without preparation. You smack my ass with your hand. "I asked you a question." I still can't answer. I feel the head of your cock press against my tight sphincter. "Do you want me to spank your ass more or would you rather get fucked now." "Fuck me" I whisper. You press the head of your cock into my ass. I gasp. It hurts. "What did you say" you ask me, pushing your cock in a little at a time, pretending you don't hear me. "Oh.....it hurts," I struggle to get the words out. "Did you say it hurts?" You mock-question me as you sink a good half of your length into my ass. I can feel my asshole tearing. "Oh...oh...oh God!" I half-cry. You pull your cock back a little ways and slam it the rest of the way in. "Take it out! Take it out! Take it out! It hurts too much!" I plead. "Breathe," you tell me calmly in my ear. You ease your cock back until just the tip remains. As you pull back, it rips the breath out of me. "Fuck you in the ass or beat your ass hard for the next half hour. The choice is yours." You shove your cock all the way in again. "Beat me. I can't take it. Please take it out."You hold your cock inside me for a minute, giving my asshole a chance to get used to the rude instrusion. You pump gently back and forth. "Are you sure?" You ask me almost teasingly. I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anthing. "No." I whisper. You pull your cock out of my ass as quickly as you had shoved in. You grab up one of the wooden paddles and lay into my ass. My subspace as been interrupted and now I struggle, but you hold me down while you pound on my ass. You stop briefly. "Oh Baby, you are definitely going to know I've been here every time you try to sit down for days." You don't beat my ass for half an hour but what little relief I had started to gain disappears and the red hot flame returns. I can't count. I can't speak. All I can do is struggle. When you are satisfied with the beating you are giving me, you throw down the paddle, spread my asscheeks, and shove your cock up my ass again. It takes the breath away from again but this time the pain isn't quite as bad. You fuck my ass earnestly from the beginning this time. I know that no matter how much I complain, how much I beg, how much I plead, this time it won't do me any good. You murmur things about how good your cock looks in my ass, how good my red ass looks around your cock, the beautiful bruises that are already beginning to show, but I can barely hear. There is roar of pain, pleasure, and growing excitement in my ears. My hand moves to my clit and in seconds, my orgasm is racing yours to the finish line. You pound my ass hard with your cock. Your cock slides easily in and out, as if you had lubed my ass to start with. I hear your orgasm mounting. I feel your cock swelling in my sore ass. As your moans of pleasure gain in strength, my own mount to match yours. Soon, all either of us can hear is the blood rushing in our ears, our own moans of orgasm. Tingles rip through my body from the tips of my toes, but through my asshole that is still impaled on your cock and now filling with your cum, to the hair on the top of my head. The earth rattles for me. I see fireworks. My orgasm feels like it will go on forever. As it subsides, I become aware of the fullness of your cock, still securely planed in my backside. I become aware of the pain of even the hair on your body as it rubs against the fleshy parts of my ass and thighs. When we can breathe again, you gently remove your cock from ass.

Another fantasy to play with. I think we have actually done something very similar to this.

Hope that makes up a little bit for only getting on about every 3 months these days.

So Much To Write

My writing is still obviously sporadic at best. Its not that I am so busy now, although I do manage to find things to do to take up my time. I want to try to do a quick catch up and see where the writing leads.



I can't write anything about Honey's and my exploits lately because there really haven't been any. Physically, it seems our bodies are not cooperating with us. Just as mine starts to settle and I'm finally figuring out my limitations, my poor Honey started having some serious problems. Nothing fatal or anything like that, but painful. Our sex life has become so uneventful that I feared Honey was no longer attracted to me and that he had found someone else that he was attracted to. It caused me some serious emotional pangs that I didn't share for quite a while and when I finally did, I didn't do it well. Then Honey decided to open up the proverbial gate, which was really a good thing because he didn't realize that the times I made cracks about a girlfriend that I was serious. My libido is almost as desirous as ever, but its not needy. If anything were ever to happen to Honey that he was no longer able to "perform" that particular marital obligation in the traditional sense, I could live with that. I would miss him in that way but I have no doubt that he would allow me my sexual gratification (also known as masturbation) with his assistance. I love his big, hard cock filling my orifices and there is absolutely no replacement for it, but its the intimacy that is most important to me. If I had to choose between cuddling and fucking, I would take the cuddling. Our love is strong and grows stronger all the time. And there is the spanking. I still crave it. I still want it but I am really confused about it. The short and sweet background of my confusion is that I was married to an abusive man the first time I was married. He didn't spank, he punched. We never even discussed spanking...not as kink, a foreplay, a form of entertainment or a lifestyle...not as anything at all. He was just downright mean. The fact is, before I was finally able to make my permanent break from him, pretty much the last year that I was with my first husband, I was resigned to and convinced that he was going to kill me. Not necessarily intentionally, but I truly believed that he was going to get drunk and beat me to death and then be very remorseful. It was Honey's friendship that helped me be strong enough to walk away from that abusive situation. Honey has a problem with spanking me sometimes because there isn't an abusive bone in his body. When he really lets himself go and whacks on my ass pretty good, then I start wondering how someone who is supposed to love me can do that to me...even though its what I want. Of course, being the spankee, he also has some trouble from time to time grappling with that issue. If I don't think about it and just allow myself to indulge, I like it. I want more...a LOT more. Unfortunately, I have a hard time shutting my brain down sometimes. It isn't just in spanking either. Its sex in general. If I think about what I look like, my age, or any of a thousand other things, I can't enjoy any kind of sex. I have to close my eyes and just let myself feel. Its stupid I know. It will kill an orgasm if my thoughts drift to me. I will most likely NEVER be involved in a 3 way, 2 males and me, because of that. Its hard enough to shut the intrusions in my brain with Honey, who I am as comfortable with as I am with myself, much less a third party. And then there is the jealousy issue. Neither Honey nor I believe that a third party in our bedroom can enhance any part of our lives together. Honey is extraordinarily understanding and patient with me. I think I am with him too when his issues pop up to bug him. He is the most important part of my life. Nothing is complete until I can share it with him. He is my best friend, my best lover, and psychologist, my musical partner...I don't love any one thing about him, I love the whole package. Sex and games are great but if I had to choose between having a platonic relationship with Honey or having him as a fuck buddy with no relationship, I would take the platonic anyday, hands down. When I try to explain just how much I love him, I find the words to describe exactly what I feel have yet to be formed. Words, phrases, syllables are all inadequate. Picture this: My heart is latex balloon. My love is the helium that fills that balloon. When I think it has reached its maximum capacity, I find there is always more expand that balloon without ever popping it.

Okay...off to other things. I have been visiting, searching, seeking and finding sex-related, and kink-related sites on the web. I want to share with you a few of my personal favorites.

1. Anal Amy.com. This is a blog being written by a very young slut who has a thing for....you guessed it...anal sex. She is quite the little nympho (slut is a word she often uses in reference to herself). She gets laid a lot, in a lot of different ways, by a lot of different people. I got so turned on by her reading her detailed descriptions of a few of her sexual encounters that I have decided to start from the beginning. This particular blog of hers appears to have been created in May of 2006. I am only up the middle of June of 06 and I think she has already had more sex partners than I have had in my entire life. Non-manogamy is so scary these days that although I LOVE reading of her encounters, I am really glad that I am 20 again. As a standing rule, I am always glad that I'm not 20 again. That decade was not one of my favorites. I was already having kids by the time I was Amy's age and sex was very confusing to me. I didn't like the fact that I didn't know what the "rules" were about having sex. In high school, its easy. You don't do it. I realize most people do but the "rule" is that if you are female, you don't do it...at least they were like that when I was in high school. Then comes marriage and the vows of manogamy. But the inbetween times...I found it difficult to negotiate all that. Amy doesn't seem to be having any problems. At her age, I was wondering things like: Do I have sex on the first date? How far is "okay" and for how long? I have never been particularly interested in others opinions about all that. I pretty decided that if I was attracted to a man, and he was attracted to me and we both wanted to have sex, then we would. I had quite a few one night stands, a few illicit affairs but for the most part, I was chaste compared to most of the people I know. Luckily for me, I have had Honey to work out all the things I missed out on. Amy now...I can live vicariously pretty damned well through her writings. I urge you to drop by her blog and spend a little time browsing. I would love to hear back from anybody that does stop by there and let me know what you think. She isn't a spanko, but honestly, I think she just hasn't discovered that fetish yet. Her anal exploits always leave me wet and seeking out Honey's cock. This is a girl after my heart. She loves anal sex at least as much as I do...and she's a pain slut even though she doesn't really appear to know it yet. She takes lots of hard cock up her ass and quite often without lube of any kind. Tell me that isn't a pain slut. Tell me that isn't a girl who wouldn't enjoy a bare bottomed ride across some strong young sadists lap. And she has just a touch of bisexual in her so I think she could bottom for both boys and girls. Here's Amy's webdress: http://www.anal-amy.com

I have so much more that I want to blog about and have been such a terrible procrastinator that I can really only do this one recommendation and review for now. I have to go to bed because I have to be up in about 3 hours and will probably be up the rest of day...but that is a whole blog unto itself. I'm not going to wait so long to post again. If I have the time 2 or 3 times a day to blog, I'm going to start making a point of actually doing it. Its part of what has kept me from blogging. I think I have to put everything down in one entry and when I don't get it done, I put it off and put it off...I make no promises when I will post again but I'm hoping soon because I have some tasty stuff to share.

I KNOW ITS BEEN FOREVER....

Had you given up on me? Thought I had given up on the blog? I haven't. Life, as life sometimes does, has interferred with my ability, desire and causes for blogging. I won't go into all that but rest assured, I'm still here, I still have Honey for a playmate, and we do still play...just not as often. This is not by choice. This is because of circumstances.



I wonder what happened to Toy? I haven't located a new blog for her. I miss reading her oh-so-erotic encounters. I have had many a self-induced orgasm over her posts, her experiences, her fantasies. Even though some of her fantasies are not quite up my alley, they never failed to turn me on...even when I was cringing with fear.

I have been working on a post for several months, believe it or not. Its a fantasy. Oh, don't think the fantasy is so good that it has taken me forever to write it. Its just that everytime I think I am alone, I get into that certain "space" that I have to be in to write...well, to fantasize and then write...or do them simultaneously...SOMEBODY POPS INTO MY LITTLE BUBBLE. I really hate having people enter my bubble when I'm deeply engrossed. It completely destroys the mood. So, one of these days I will finish the post, I will share yet another fantasy, maybe I will even have an encounter to share.

Speaking of which...Honey has been expressing his desire to beat my ass in a serious way. Not in an "I'm pissed off at you" way. In a "flogging your ass makes me so horny" kind of way. I am pretty anxious myself. We have gotten to play a little. We discovered the good old dogleg wooden brush is relatively quiet so it has seen some use recently. Honey has used some other implements on my bottom as well, but I really don't know what they are. I just know they feel really good and the closer I get to orgasm, the harder he can hit. I'm still sure there is some kind of fucked up psychology that goes along with that....that probably goes along with the desire to be spanked thoroughly, but who really cares? It feels good. Well, it doesn't...it hurts like hell but it is every bit as erotic as fellatio or cunnilingus (oh my god...I forgot how to spell it), kissing, teasing the nipples, kissing from head to toe. Its just another facet and its a good one. I have a birthday coming up very soon. Another year older. How depressing. I don't feel any different. And I feel completely different. Its awfully nice watching TV and seeing women that are older than I am being as sexy and active as they were 20 or 30 years ago. No, our skin isn't as supple as a 20 year olds, but I can pretty well assure you that I know how to be sexy when and where it counts way better than any hard bodied 20 year old. Except maybe Britney Spears, who really needed to be taken over SOMEONEs knee and have her butt blistered before her parents finally took control of her. She may not have appreciated it at the time, but 10 or 20 years from now, when she's alive and those she was partying with are dead, or brain dead, she will know that her parents did what any loving parents would do under the same circumstances...minus the millions of dollars that were at stake. I really thought she was going to be pushed right over the edge and one day they were going to find her overdosed body somewhere...but I don't think thats the case anymore. She actually seems to be making some headway. She will never be like the rest of us. She isn't that bright, she has been way too priviledged way too fast and she was thrown into an adult world when she was still a child. But I think she might actually live through it.

I hate when I digress like that. In fact, I may even go back and take that whole Britney Spears part out before I post. Probably not, though. This is my babbling medium. Its my place to mostly babble about sex and those things that I don't discuss with anyone other than Honey but reserve the right to babble about anything I want.

I hope to do more writing in the near future. Not just here, but if I can get some good thoughts together, I would like to try to submit something to Pink Flamingo. I LOVE those stories and short stories are a great way to get into the writing mode again. I can write smut really well...now I need storyline! Oh and if anyone does or has gone to the Pink Flamingo website, please let me know what your favorite stories are. I have a few favorites already and although I have sat down several times already with the intention of ordering a paperback, I can't decide on just one, so I haven't ordered any.

I think for my birthday I am going to indulge in a Hitachi. Honey has wanted to get one for a while. I have preferred my battery operated, night table vibrator but I have been having serious bondage fantasies lately so I'm thinking a Hitachi might just be the icing on the cake. Honey used to tie me up all the time. I loved it. Then physical problems got in the way and it was just too painful. These were work-related injuries. When you have to go to court to get the employer to take responsibility, the lawyers tell you to tell the judge how these injuries have negatively impacted your life. Sexual function is included in that...you know, the old "marital obligation" stuff. How do you tell a judge, under oath, "Oh yeah, my husband and I used to enjoy when he hung me from the ceiling with my hands handcuffed behind my back so he could beat my ass to his satisfaction before throwing me on the bed and shoving his cock up my ass and fucking me so hard that I could feel it for a week." I don't know. Maybe I'm a prude, but I just can't do it. I leave the sex stuff out. The doctors...well, that is another story. I dont go into great detail or anything but I have mentioned more than once that we had an active, somewhat aggressive sex life that my body can no longer tolerate. Very mostly politically correct way of saying that yes, this injury is negatively impacting my life. If you have never been there, be glad. Its very awkward. And had I worked for an employer that cared at all about its employees, I would never have had to go to court.

So...wrapping this up because its early a.m and I would like to snuggle with Honey briefly before he gets up for work, I just want to say, don't give up on me. I'm preoccupied but I think things are getting better. I will finish that fantasy sooner or later.

Do you or have you ever fantasized...?

I shall pose this as a question, a fantasy and a concept. Have any of my readers out there, most of whom I know are female, ever considered, or fantasized about being a prostitute? I think those that enjoy humiliation and objectification will most understand what I am about to say. When considering, or fantasizing about the prospect of being a prostitute, you have to consider the levels of prostitution...each having its own fantasy attached to it.





Lets start from the bottom and work our way up.



THE STREETWALKER



Otherwise known as the $5 whore. As you can see, the nomenclature brings vivid imagery with it. For those who prefer humiliation and objectification, I would think this would be a common fantasy. I have to admit, it has been my occasional fantasy since I was an adolescent. The idea of being picked up by a stranger, bought like a bag of candy, subject to the whims of the person that bought me. For up to sixty minutes, I hand my body over to another individual to do with as he pleases . Oh my fantasies have ranged from the mere streetwalking, being picked up and fucked like any other whore to the more vivid fantasies. I get picked up by a real weirdo, someone who really wants to watch me squirm. He starts out by forcing me to my knees and shoving his hardening cock down my throat. My head is held still and I am told I am not to move. If I do move, I'll pay for it. I am choked by cock. Of course, despite myself, this turns me on. My titties are slapped, pinched, handled roughly the entire time. My head is pulled into this strangers cock. I can taste pre-cum. He stops before he cums. He lifts me by my bared and battered breasts. He throws me face down on the bed, rips off my skirt (its usually a skirt in my fantasies, although not always). He asks me in a rough, mean voice if I have ever been spanked. I tell not since I was a little girl. He tells me, in that same voice, that I am in for a treat. He is going to be my daddy for the night and he's going to beat my ass for being the bad little girl that I am. I struggle but he lays all his weight on top of me. He starts with his hands. There is nothing gentle about it. He slaps on my ass hard. I fight him. I kick. I scream. He tells me likes my screams and he slaps my ass harder. My ass becomes numbed to his attempts. Its hot. Its on fire. I can picture it being bright red. I don't cry. I don't want him to see me cry. He moves our bodies around so my torso is on the bed, my knees are on the floor. He is directly behind me. His body pushes mine into the bed. He reaches around to the front of me to taunt my breasts more. I can feel his hard cock pressing into my back. He has gotten naked and I never noticed. "You don't think we're done yet, do you," he mocks me. "I'm going to beat your ass so bad you wont be able to sit down for a week. You think being a whore is worth all that? You are going to have bruises that every john that buys you is going to see...and then I'm going to fuck you. I'm going to fuck you like you haven't been fucked in a year." I'm terrified. I have no means of escape, and even if I did, he bought and paid for me. I lost my right to refuse. My ethics, screwed up as they may be,
We agreed before we entered the room. I am his to with as he pleases for now. He gave me his word. No bruises to the face. No broken bones. No homicide. Okay, sure, he could have lied but I've seen his type before. He just gets off on the power exchange. Probably has a ballbuster of a wife at home and he wants to do to me all the things he would like to do to her.
He steps back from me. My breathing comes easier now, but not for long. He grabs me by my hair and pulls me backwards. I open my mouth to hollar out in surprise just in time for him to shove his cock back in my mouth. Still holding my hair, he fucks my mouth fast and hard. I don't have time to prepare and I gag. It doesn't stop him. He doesn't stop until he is ready to stop. When he finally does, he drags me around by my hair. He goes back to the bed. He sits and pulls me over his lap. He is scolding me the entire time but too much is going on for me to comprehend what he's talking about. He is angry. My body is laying across his legs. He has one leg over my legs and one leg under. He takes the arm of mine farthest from his body by the wrist. He holds the wrist at the lower arch of my back. He starts to spank my ass hard again with his open palm. I can't move. He has me completely restrained. After about 20 spanks, he stops. "You like that, don't you bitch. You know you deserve it." He rubs my ass gently. His fingers probe between my legs. "Just as I thought," he muses. "Like a fountain down here. You really do like it, don't you," I don't say anything. I feel my asscheeks being pried apart. "You want some of this?" he teases as his finger probes my anus. I tense up. "Oh yeah baby, keep that up and make me a really happy man." He forces his finger into my dry ass. He fingerfucks my ass. It hurts. He wants it to hurt. When he pulls his finger from my ass, it hurts just as much as it did going in. He starts beating my ass again, but now he has something he is using to beat my ass with. It hurts like crazy. He tells me his hand has gotten sore from trying to beat the badness out of me. He doesn't tell me what it is he is using. I don't find out until much later that it was a wooden hairbrush...something convenient that he found in the room...or maybe he brought it with him. I feel like the skin on my ass is going to explode. I try to wriggle away. He has me almost completely restrained by his body. The harder I fight, the harder he spanks. He doesn't do it slowly. Its one smack after another. The pain doesn't get any easier but I start to feel myself slip into that other place...you know the place. The place where all subs go. He goes on beating my ass but slowly, I stop fighting. I know there will be big ugly bruises tomorrow. I'll be surprised if there aren't bruises later that night. I become like a ragdoll laying across lap. Before I know it, he pushes me off his lap, in between his legs. His cock is rock hard. He orders me to suck it, which I do with ferver. He watches me. I feel his cock getting even harder, swelling. Before he can come, he pulls me off his cock and throws me back on the bed, face down again. He climbs on top of me from behind. I feel his fingers probing at my ass again. He pries open my asscheeks again but this time he lubricates...not a lot...just enough to ease the entry. I feel his cock urging its way between my cheeks. I get up on my knees, ass up, head down. His cock finds its target. Once he realizes he is where he wants to be, he shoves his hips forward. I cry out. He buries his cock all the way until his pelvis meets my ass. The entry is not unexpected but painful nonetheless. It takes my breath completely away. My head comes up off the bed but he shoves it back down. He uses my breasts like they are handles. The harder he squeezes each tit, the stronger the strokes into my ass. He mutters things while fucks me but I pay attention. My hand wanders to my clit. He fucks my ass hard and painfully but as I find just the right spot on my clit, the pain starts to subside. My asscheeks are burning and sore from the beating. The fucking is good once I get past the pain. Its a brutal session but my clit responds. As hard as this stranger pounds is as hard as I rub my clit. I feel his arousal increasing and mine rises to meet his. I know when he is about to come. I feel my own orgasm nearing. As I feel his cock begin to blast his load inside my ass, my own orgasm is triggered. I hear this strange man screaming to God things I have never heard before as my orgasm thunders through my body.

Oh yeah. Okay, my $5 Whore fantasy varies, sometimes rough, sometimes not, but my fantasies are almost always rough. Sometimes they include more than just one person. I have voyeur and exhibitionist fantasies too. Sometimes the idea of having someone in the room watching me get my ass spanked hard is quite the turn on. Sometimes watching someone else get her ass beaten is a really hot fantasy.

The Escort

The next variation to it is the Escort Service. No streetwalking. Safer environment. Cleaner environment and cleaner clientele. A better idea of what is expected from the very beginning.

Much as I hate to do this...I'm going to let my readers think about where these fantasies go from here. Its really late in my little corner of the world and I'm very tired, so I will pursue the The Escort Service and the Callgirl later this week. Feel free to share any variations you may have. I am always looking for new fodder to masturbate to.

Feeling the Love

Its really surprising to me sometimes how even a single comment can renew the urge to continue with this blog...or any other writing. Thank you for those comments. Even if I don't respond, its not because of a lack of appreciation. I live for those little comments. Its because I am terrible correspondent...and I can prove it.

I am probably one of those perpetual students. I went so long after high school without really going to school but I really don't think I have ever gone more than a couple of years without going to SOME kind of classes. I love the learning process but I am not such a great student.

When I was in high school, I earned money on the side (I have been working at least a part-time job since I was 10 years old. I had one bout of unemployment for 5 months about 17 or 18 years ago and then there is now) by doing other people's homework but it took all but an Act of Congress to get me to do my own homework. I have always done well on tests...with a few exceptions. I had a college algebra course that I froze up on the final. Fortunately, I had a great teacher that year and she saw my frustration, picked up my test when I turned it in, chased me down the hall, talked to me about "test anxiety," which I had never before experienced but I have, I think, phobias about testable math. For reasons I won't go into because you really wouldn't be interested, I didn't have "pre-algebra" in middle school before having High School Algebra. I survived high school but I never understood it. I could do it but it wasn't until this great teacher named Mrs. Beaver (no, I'm not making it up) in college that I understood it. Anyway, this same teacher chased me down the hall, told me "You know this stuff," explained test anxiety, told me to go wash my face, take a few deep breaths, take a walk to clear my head and come back and try again. I took her advise and when I sat back down to do the test, she was right...it all came flooding back and I was able to finish the test. I still feel test anxiety from time to time. It sucks. Its like slamming slamming a cell door on the brain. One second I know everything and the next, I can barely remember my name. I can usually close my eyes and talk myself out of it now, but not always. I still hate homework. I think if you can pass the tests, why should the homework count...and if you have problems with the tests, the homework should count more because you ARE actually showing the ability to do the work, just not necessarily without notes. I don't know about anybody else, but I haven't seen a career field yet that didn't allow the use of crib sheets, notes, whatever you need to get the job done. You can have the information in your computer, in notebooks, on index cards...whatever you need, so why can't schools, including colleges, personalize the experience, really grade on the ability to perform the work necessary. I know the schools, public and private are overwhelmed, but a scan of gradebooks and just a LITTLE one on one attention can provide so much more insight. So...maybe I should be a teacher? I have given thought to that idea. And I may...did you guess that I'm about to go to school...again?

The problem is the loss of interest. I have trouble with my attention span. Always have. I learn fast, usually, so sticking with the pace of a class has always been problematic. I like challenges so the classes that I do have trouble with keep my attention. The others...well, lets just say my GPA should be high but it isn't. Its average. Maybe even a little lower than average. It seems that I have genetically transferred this to my children. Only one is actually a little slow, learning disabled, but he has more common sense than any of my other kids and he is EXTREMELY responsible...scarily so, in fact. The others just get bored and have trouble with follow through. I do have a college degree, but I haven't lost the urge to learn so I plan to work on a Master's degree along with another Bachelors. I don't have work to slow me down now so maybe I will actually do well...I did well the four years it took me to get my Bachelors (right around a 3.6 average) but because of classes I had taken when I was younger, my overall GPA is, I think, a 2.6. Its okay, though. I still got my degree and I know and understand everything about my degree field. I think that is more than a lot of people who have degrees can say.

So what does all that have to do with a spanking blog? Absolutely nothing. Unless I/we decide to incorporate spanking in to my academics. Honestly, I have considered it but I don't think it would work. That would be me trying to force someone else to force me to do something that I already know I have to do. The rebel in me thinks it could be counterproductive and just make me resentful. Besides, I am far more interested in actually learning than I am in grades. I have too many things I want to know, from electricity to teaching to medicine to law. I actually talked myself out of law school though because I don't want to have that much debt late in life. Medicine is great but let's face it, those folks put way more hours into a work week than I want to spend and the work is HARD...and I really don't think I am compassionate enough for medicine. And I know I don't want to get into the psychology of the whole spanking thing. I like it. If I know why, I might not like it anymore. I think being sexually satisfied could go a LONG way toward making school easier. And being sexually satisfied at this stage of my life often includes a little pain play.

As I write this, Honey and I are awaiting a few new toys. I'll probably hate myself when they get here, as I usually do. We have a loopy rattan cane and a couple of other canes that Honey picked out. Of course, I sent him the link for him to find the ones he wanted...silly me. I'm sure there will be at least one or two picture posts when they get here. I'm looking foward to them arriving...in that masochistic sort of dreading way. I can't wait...but I can...but I can't.

Okay, really this was just going to be few lines to try to get back in the swing of things but the one thing I have never been excused of is being at a loss for words.